


taako remembered;

by prouveyrac



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Episode: e060-066 The Stolen Century Parts 1-7, Hurt/Comfort, The Stolen Century, the twins talk about memories
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-07
Updated: 2018-12-07
Packaged: 2019-09-13 08:04:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16888734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prouveyrac/pseuds/prouveyrac
Summary: Some cycles, and their brutal ends, brought back memories from a reality long gone, long consumed.It was always just Taako and Lup; it was always just the two of them watching each other’s backs.Those were the memories that Taako had, the memories that Taako believed mattered.(takes place mid "the stolen century")





	taako remembered;

**Author's Note:**

> okay so ngl i actually just finished taz balance today but i've been sitting on this fic idea for a couple days so i decided to use this one as my first taz fic!!!

Not all cycles were bad, but none of them ended well. Some ended worse than others. The apocalypse tended to do that. Get worse, that is.

Some cycles, and their brutal ends, brought back memories from a reality long gone, long consumed. The memories, they were never anything flashy. As much as Taako would never admit it, behind all the flare and pomp and magic, _most_ weren’t. In his mind, in the back corners where memories from a childhood long ago were lingering, it was always him and Lup who made them interesting, who made them something worth keeping. Even with all the people they travelled with, few were anything the twins would call entertaining.

Their aunt was nice, and their aunt definitely had claim over some of the better memories, but their aunt had been gone for a long time, now.

There were people who were gone even before the Hunger came to their world, people that had been gone for more of Taako and Lup’s life than not. People who Taako barely paid mind to because of how much they weren’t there. If he thought about it, thought long about it, then perhaps he could begin to understand why people would tell him that it’d be normal for him to have an aching in his chest. But it never was there, that aching. Of all the pain he had felt before, that wasn’t one of them.

_“But you don’t ever think about her?”_ someone the twins were travelling with once asked.

_“No reason to,”_ Lup had said with a shrug, leaning her shoulder against Taako’s. _“We really didn’t know her.”_ She looked over at him. _“I don’t even think we remember the same things, right?”_

Taako nodded. He remembered long golden hair; Lup remembered someone tightly clutching her hand. _“It’s always been just the two of us,”_ he had said, just as casual as his sister. _“We’re fine than that.”_

* * *

 

Their most recent cycle had been in an entirely Elven world.

They had been in worlds of only animals, and worlds of nothing. They were judged by monolithic statues and were allowed days, weeks, months, of relaxation on a beach disturbed by no one and, still, an entirely Elven world was still shocking to land upon.

“Maybe we can finally reconnect with our roots,” Lup had whispered in Taako’s ear when the village they had landed not even a mile from came to see, frankly, what the absolute fuck just landed in their forest.

Elves weren’t necessarily a part of Taako’s memory. Sure, they were there, but not how everyone else thought they would be. There weren’t villages in forests and communities of just elves. They were there in taverns and on the streets, they were there no differently than any other human or dwarf Taako and Lup had ever met.

Taako laughed, tilting his head back, and their five other teammates cast them nervous looks as the elves stared up at the Starblaster. None of them looked particularly dangerous, and it wasn’t like Taako was particularly worried. Not like they haven’t faced worse.

But distrust was a look long etched into his memory, and Taako recognized it on every single one of the elves’ faces.

The elves only spoke elvish. Whether it was because there was never a need to develop another language or because the world they landed on thought it best to trust just Lup and Taako, it didn’t particularly bother him. It wasn’t any different from learning the languages of any other world they landed on. Just, this time, Lup and Taako were the translators.

“You know, guys, not to step on your game,” Taako said as he and Lup were serving dinner one night, “But we’re kinda a big fucking deal here.”

“Ambassadors, basically,” Lup said, her own grin mirroring Taako’s. She set her plate down next to Barry’s. “Maybe we’ll just stay here, live the true elven life.”

“You can’t escape that easily,” Magnus said with a smirk, looking up at the two of them from where he was seated. “You’ll just come with us when we leave.”

“Maybe we can just talk the Hunger away.” Lup passed a plate down the table.

“Maybe it only speaks elvish.” Taako set two bottles of wine on the table.

“Or maybe you two can use it to get the Light from them,” Davenport, always focused on work, said. He eyed the two of them. “If what we need is their trust, it looks like you two are well on your way to getting it.”

“Please, Cap, don’t rush perfection,” Lup teased, waving her hand as she finally sat down. “We’re getting there.”

“Yeah, they already adore us. I mean, who wouldn’t?” Taako and Lup shared another grin as Taako sat down next to Magnus, across from Lup.

“I didn’t think you two would actively enjoy connecting with your roots,” Barry, who Taako was sure Lup told more than enough about their life before the IPRE, said, smiling at the two with a raised eyebrow.

“Well of course, babe,” Lup said, digging her fork into her meal. “We have to get that Light, no?”

* * *

 

The elves they met were surprised that Taako and Lup were so “disconnected,” as they would say.

“But who did you live with?” one of the elves—Taako couldn’t remember her name, but she was a mother, with a child no older than six clinging to her leg—asked.

“Everywhere,” Taako answered.

“In the forest?” she continued to ask, prying, prodding.

“On the streets, in taverns, with aunts and grandparents and cousins,” Lup listed, looking to Taako as she counted off on her fingers. “Everywhere.”

“Well, I’m sure they told the two of you much about where they came from.”

Taako and Lup shared a look of _well, did they?_ and shrugged.

“If they did, we don’t remember it,” Taako said, honestly, and the elf smiled sadly.

Taako didn’t get it. The memories he had—or didn’t, for that matter—couldn’t do anything for him now. Whether or not his aunt spent her childhood in a forest or a city (neither of which Taako could confirm, for he didn’t know) wouldn’t change the fact that Taako and Lup didn’t.

It was always just Taako and Lup; it was always just the two of them watching each other’s backs. Anyone else that was there… they were there but not _there_ for them. The twins went back to whatever family member they needed for a day or night or week that would take them at the time, and then it was back to just Taako and Lup.

Those were the memories that Taako had, the memories that Taako believed mattered.

* * *

 

They already had the Light when the Hunger finally came. The Hunger was getting faster but, thank everything, Davenport was on the Starblaster when it happened. Barry was, too. Lucretia and Merle had been heading through the forest, away from the village. It was only Lup, Taako, and Magnus left and, much to Taako’s own surprise, Magnus was one of the first people struck down.

_He’ll come back_ , Taako thought, though he still couldn’t ignore the way his stomach dropped when he watched a shadow strike _through_ Magnus. _He’s still got that damn fish to take care of_.

Those not a part of their team though, regular people, didn’t come back. They had all learned that long ago.

They didn’t have a lot of time for… anything. To run, to fight; they did all they could to help prepare the village for what was to come. Some of the village elders were already herding others into shelters, and a hunter to Taako’s left slashed through a shadow.

To Taako’s right, a burst of flame erupted out of Lup’s (rather ridiculous) umbrastaff, and Taako remembered that he needed to _move_.

Except, in that moment, he believed Lup and Taako forgot how to.

The elven mother they had spoken with back in the first couple weeks of their arrival was dead. In the end of the world, there was no way to sugarcoat it.

No matter what they did, people would still die. The end of the world was brutal like that.

The mother’s child was crying, their hands reaching out for their fallen mother, as they were being dragged into shelter.

And then, Taako and Lup were unmade in the forest and remade on the deck of the Starblaster.

* * *

 

Sometimes the cycles brought back memories that Taako barely even thought about during his time on the world he came from.

This cycle though, the end of the entirely elven world, brought back long golden hair. It was all that Taako remembered. Lup remembered someone holding her hand.

She was gone too quickly for them to remember much else about her, and then any other memories that could have formed were replaced with other family members, with travellers and odd-jobs and people to stick with and people to run from.

But after seeing the fallen mother and the child being dragged away from her, Taako realized, when the team was keeping to themselves that evening in something that felt like mourning, that there was a dull ache in his chest.

* * *

 

Lup, much to Taako’s own surprise, was already making dinner when he walked into the kitchen.

“What?” he said, coming up next to her, bumping their hips. “Couldn’t wait for me?”

Lup jumped when Taako came up next to her, as if she hadn’t even noticed him entering. “Oh, sorry,” she said with a laugh. “I didn’t even realize.”

Taako studied his sister. Her eyes were stuck on the pot she was stirring and, the moment her smile slipped off her face, she was biting at the inside of her cheek.

“You okay?” he asked slowly, quietly. Everyone else was in their respective dormitories, though Taako thought he heard Davenport head up to the deck a little while ago. No one would hear them, but Taako didn’t think this would be any normal conversation.

Some cycles were worse than others. Some cycles hit them harder than others.

And, watching Lup, Taako swallowed thickly at the thought that perhaps this had been one of those cycles.

Lup looked over to him out of the corner of her eye. “Are you?”

“Just bummed out that we missed out on our elven world,” he said with a shrug, unable to hold back a smirk. “Just think, of all the worlds we could’ve been a part of, the one that wasn’t ours was the elf one.”

Lup didn’t smile back. “You don’t have to do that, Taako.”

“Do what?” Taako asked, looking down at the supplies Lup had set out, seeing if there was something, anything, he could do.

“ _That,_ ” Lup repeated. “Taako, it’s _me_.”

Taako swallowed thickly.

They knew each other too well. They couldn’t hide things from each other, not even if they tried.

“It’s… weird,” Taako finally decided on. He picked up one of the spices Lup was using and intently read the label as if he’d never used it before, let alone seen it.

“You felt it too, right?”

Taako scoffed. “I don’t know what _it_ is, Lu,” he said. “I felt something, and it felt weird, because it’s not like I was sad or… some shit like that.” He sighed. “Not that I’m happy that their world almost ended, but-”

“We didn’t know her,” Lup finished and Taako, thinking back to the fallen mother, nodded. “But I still feel… weird.”

“Took the words right out of my mouth.”

Lup laughed under her breath. “I feel like it’s familiar, maybe.”

“We wouldn’t know,” Taako said, finally putting the spice jar down. “We can’t remember.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” she said, shaking her head. “Wanna know what’s fucked, though?”

Taako looked to her with a raised eyebrow.

Lup let out another breathy laugh, a tired laugh. “I’m almost jealous that they got to know their mom well enough to miss her.”

Taako and Lup had parents at one point, obviously, but they had been orphans for so long that “parents” was just too outlandish of a concept for them to pay mind to. They were orphans passed between family members, orphans on the street, in travelling wagons and working in inns and doing all they could to stay afloat because, while they might not have ever known a mother’s love, they knew survival at a young age.

They were orphans, and people pitied that. Honestly, it was a pity Taako couldn’t understand, because it was grief Taako never really experienced.

Though, if Taako had to guess, he believed that Lup hit the nail pretty hard on the head.

“Like, isn’t that fucked up?” Lup continued, shaking her head. “I mean, someone _died_ . And that’s sad. That’s _really_ sad. And I feel… bad about that. Really, fucking bad about that, Taako. Because we’ve seen cycles like this before where we get to know the people knowing that some of them could die in a year and we do what we can to help them and shit still happens and the cycles are getting harder and I’m so _fucking tired_ and-” she sighed, cutting herself off.

Taako worried his bottom lip. “And?”

“And,” she said, quietly, “I don’t know what I feel worse about: the fact that we can’t save everyone and let families stay together, or that I stood there and thought ‘is that what it was like for us?’”

“Maybe,” Taako said. “But, it’s always been-”

“Us,” she finished and, with her free hand, reached over and squeezed Taako’s. “And, no matter what, I would never trade anything for that. You will _always_ be my person. I just… wonder sometimes.”

“What it would be like,” Taako said.

Lup nodded. “Barry’s mother is his favorite person in the world,” she said. “He still misses her. A lot. And I want to be there for him but I have my limits and my wonders and I’m not _jealous_ but I… think about it.”

“Do you think anything would be different?” Taako asked.

“If we actually knew our parents?”

“If we actually had a family,” he said. “I mean, we _did_. And I’m not bashing on them and I’m not wishing things were different because, like, Taako’s all good here-” Lup laughed and Taako smiled “-But… do you?”

Lup shrugged. “I guess things would be kinda different,” she said. “I mean, that would be a pretty big change but…” She worried her bottom lip. “I don’t even know if I really want that. I think just the- the _years_ of people pitying ‘the elven orphans’ are getting to me.”

Taako slid her a look. “Since when have you ever let people’s shit get to you?”

“Exactly!” Lup exclaimed, waving her hand that held the spoon, flinging broth onto the counter. “Never! So, like, not only is this kinda fucked up, but it’s also everyone else’s bullshit! Like, I’m… I’m okay with the life I have. I have Barry, and I have _you_. And I don’t want to change that. Just something that, I guess after all the pity and now watching the same apocalypse year after year, I think about.”

“Well, stop thinking. Hasn’t ever worked for you before.”

“Oh, fuck off,” Lup said, shaking the spoon at him. Taako jumped away and Lup laughed, turning back to the pot on the stove.

“I’ll be honest, I don’t think about it a lot,” Taako said after a couple moments, leaning on the counter. “I don’t see the point if there’s nothing I can do about it. But-” he released a deep breath “-I get it. And, just so you know, I wouldn’t change anything, either. It’s always been us, and that’s not something I would give up.”

Lup opened her mouth to say something but, from down the corridor, she was cut off by the sound of a door being thrown open and Merle’s voice saying, “Lup, kid, I don’t know what you’re cooking, but it smells fucking amazing.”

“Start gathering everyone,” Lup called back. “It’s almost ready.”

Taako was pretty sure he heard Magnus shout, “Fuck yeah!”

Taako and Lup looked back to each other and laughed.

“We have them, too,” she said.

“Unfortunately,” Taako said, though he was smiling.

Within a couple minutes, the table was set ( _“I cooked dinner tonight, Taako, you can set the fucking table!"_ ) and, like normal, everyone was passing plates down the table.

“You two are always making meals for us,” Lucretia said as Taako took a seat next to her. “We should all try to make something for you.”

Taako laughed. “Please, I don’t want to be poisoned.”

“You would come back though,” Magnus said, pointing his fork at Taako. “So, why not?”

“Because if we’re dead,” Lup said, “Then you five will need to survive on your own with shit food. Lucretia can most definitely handle herself, and you too, Cap, but you three?”

“Love the faith you have in me, babe,” Barry said. Lup grinned at him.

“So, basically, step one is ‘do not poison Lup and Taako,’” Magnus said.

“Yes, exactly,” Taako said. “Subsection B of step one is ‘do not touch anything in the kitchen’ and, if you fuck up step one, there! That’s it! Cycle’s over and Lucretia has to run everything on her own again.”

“And that would fucking suck,” Lup said. “So, let’s keep things how they are!” She then grinned at Lucretia. “I greatly appreciate your offer, though. It’s nice to be recognized around here.”

After a chorus of variations of, _“Oh, fuck off,”_ Taako laughed, and Lup shot him a smile.

Not all cycles were bad, and some were worse than others, and some cycles’ ends brought back memories long unthought of, but all cycles started the same: together on the Starblaster with literal worlds of possibilities in front of them. Possibilities and memories that, even if Taako kept close to his chest, they would be his and would be worth remembering.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!!! 
> 
> actuallygansey.tumblr.com


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